


Sliver of a Dream

by Takada_Saiko



Series: Truth in the Lies [59]
Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Dreams, F/M, Keen2, What Could Have Been, what may be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 18:51:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5060035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takada_Saiko/pseuds/Takada_Saiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a good life, and he's certain that the important things were true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sliver of a Dream

Requested by CCAngel on FFN

**Sliver of a Dream**

"Babe, your water's boiling over," Liz called from the kitchen and he just about tripped over Hudson at his feet, the dog barking happily and sitting right in his pathway, leash in his mouth and clearly saying that he wanted something.

Jacob reached down and scratched him between the ears. "After dinner, buddy," he promised and moved past him into the kitchen, trying not to laugh as he found Liz fighting the stove. The water was close to the top and she was reaching over to turn the burner down with one hand, the other holding her file out so that it wouldn't get in the middle of everything with the other. Why she hadn't left it on the table, there was no telling, but Jacob darted forward before a pair of much smaller hands reached to try to help her. "No you don't, kiddo. Not near the stove, remember?" he said lightly, scooping the toddler up.

A giggle escaped the little boy, big brown eyes the giveaway that he hadn't inherited any physical traits from his adoptive parents, but there was something in his smile that was all Liz, somehow, and it sent a rush of happiness through him that he knew he didn't deserve. It was just… perfect.

"I've got him. I mean, unless you want me to cook," Liz teased, pulling the giggling toddler into her arms and hugging him close. She turned back to her husband. "Jacob, babe? You okay?"

He blinked at her owlishly, having been focused on a noise he couldn't place. "What?" he managed, the name not quite fitting. She had called him by his real name and it had been so… natural.

"You're zoning a little," she said and the little boy in her arms pitched forward suddenly, grabbing for him and managing to snag his glasses from his nose. "Sammy, stop. Your dad needs those," Liz laughed and Jacob felt the world shift a little.

Suddenly he was blinking, the well-lit kitchen replaced with a bright computer screen in front of him and shadows in every other part of the warehouse. His wife and child's laughter faded into the sound of alert on the laptop that had woken up with the end of its long search and Jacob was alone. He wasn't in his and Liz's townhouse. She had sold that after he left. They weren't laughing and joking there together. She was only barely starting to trust him again as they searched for clues about her mother. They didn't have a son. They had given up the adoption because… Jacob felt a terrible shudder pass through him and he sat up straight, the muscles in his back protesting the way he had been bent over the table to sleep. Because he hadn't been strong enough to tell the woman he loved the truth and she was too clever to stay in the dark forever. She had known something, she just hadn't understood what at that point, and she had protected that little boy in the only way she had known how: by letting go.

It had been perfect, that little sliver of a dream, but that's all it was. Their reality was a much darker, much more lonely place.

Jacob fished his wallet out of his pocket and leaned back in his chair, fingers carefully tugging the sonogram from its hiding place. It had been a close call with the Germans. He had never expected keeping the little reminder on him would put Liz in any sort of danger. She was safe from it now, but it had been close. Close enough to rattle him just a little.

His thumb traced over the sonogram and he could almost hear the little boy's laughter that still echoed from the dream. He would have been around a year now. They could have been happy. They _should_ have been happy.

A sharp, brisk knock startled him out of his thoughts and Jacob carefully tucked the little photo away again as he stood, his body stiff from the way he'd been sleeping. He moved slowly to the door, blinking to clear his contacts, and pulled it open. Liz stood there with a cup of coffee in either hand and he could just barely see the earliest signs of dawn behind her.

"I was thinking," she said as she shoved one of the cups into his hands, "that maybe we're looking at this all wrong. Maybe we should be looking for clues in the background of the picture. Her face is washed out so..." Her voice drifted off as she turned, halfway to the computer, and tilted her head. "Did I wake you up?"

Jacob blinked at her, coffee in one hand and feeling as if her were still a little lost in the dream and his own thoughts. He shook his head and took a long sip of the coffee, noticing that she had it sweetened just as they had always made their coffee. "No, just haven't been up long."

Liz's gaze swept over the room. "Did you sleep in here?"

"Yeah, I was following up on something pretty late last night. Hacking isn't my forte, so it took me a little bit to get into the system I needed to use. The search just finished running."

"Do I want to know what system you were getting into?"

"Nope," he answered with a smirk and moved over to her stiffly. He cracked his neck and opened his mouth to tell her what he'd been looking for, only to snap it immediately back shut as she grabbed his wallet that had been left there.

"This thing was falling apart a year ago. What could you possibly keep in it? It's not like you have any IDs on you." Her smirk told him that she at least thought she was being funny as she pried it open before he could stop her and started shamelessly rummaging through it to quench her own curiosity. Dread was well on its way to sinking in as her smile faded and she pulled the sonogram from it. Blue eyes flickered up to meet his and the expression was almost unreadable. "What the hell is this?" she demanded.

Jacob swallowed hard.

"Why would you keep this?" she demanded. "Why would you-"

"Hey, you're the one that went through my wallet," he pointed out, his voice tight. "He was going to be my son too."

That seemed to stop whatever rant she had been revving up to lay into him with and she shrank back just a little. "Sorry," she managed, gaze darting to the floor. "I'm sorry."

Jacob pulled in an unsteady breath. "Me too. I was... I was actually dreaming about it just before I woke up. I think I'm still shaking it."

Her expression softened a little and she took a sip from her own coffee. "What about?"

He looked over warily. "It's stupid. You don't want to-"

"Please, Tom?"

He wasn't sure why she wanted to know. The hostilities weren't nearly as hard to work around as they had been in the beginning, but it was still business on Liz's end for the most part. There were moments when something like old feelings slipped through her walls and he thought she might still care, but this was new.

Jacob closed his eyes, running his free hand along his buzzed hair and sighed. "It was just... We were back in the townhouse and he was there. We were..."

"Happy?" Liz murmured.

"Yeah. Everything was perfect."

"Then the alarm goes off," his ex wife chuckled mirthlessly and he cracked a small smile.

"You sound like you're speaking from experience."

"We did have a pretty good life, even if it was a lie. It's hard not to miss it sometimes."

Jacob shifted where he was, not quite willing to meet her gaze. "It wasn't all a lie, Liz."

"You know what I mean."

"Do you... Do you ever miss more than just the memory of what we were?"

She looked a little startled by the question. "What does that mean?"

He shrugged. "Just... us. I know I miss what we had, sure. It was the first time in my life that I actually understood why people would want that, but it was _you_ that made me understand."

Liz shifted uncomfortably. "What were you searching for in the system you probably shouldn't have access to?" she asked, leaning against the table.

Jacob shook his head and took a seat. He had opened up, he had risked it, but she wasn't ready. Maybe she just knew he wouldn't like the answer. He hoped that he had been more than a place filler for the perfect husband. He hoped it was more than that for her, because for him, she had changed everything. He forced himself to focus. "Just an in depth search using a-"

"Yes," Liz cut in abruptly, her voice quick and clipped as she spoke. "I miss your laugh and I miss our talks. Dinners and movies and just... being there without all of this, but that doesn't change anything. I don't have time to process it, so... So can we just get back to it?"

Jacob was staring at her. "Yep," he said after a beat of hesitation, and started in on his explanation. Liz nodded at all the right moments, but he knew neither of them were paying attention. She had found out that the adoption was something very real to him and he, in turn, understood that just because Liz wasn't willing to talk about it with him didn't mean she didn't care. It just meant she was fighting herself, and that was something she had done since the day he had met her. He loved her, and he could wait. His dream of Liz and their family might not pan out exactly as they had planned, but even if a piece did - as long as they had a chance to be together - he could get behind that.

* * *

 

Notes: Something I need this season is for the two of them to have enough time to catch their breaths and just _talk_ to each other.


End file.
